A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
True strength comes from lack of pants
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
