Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
