I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
