youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
