counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
