If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
