I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
