and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
