HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
