yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize