I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
My ass is underappreciated
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
