I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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