I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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