I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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