i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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