This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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