idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
