tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize