just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
