She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
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