I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
