im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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