He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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