is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize