Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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