oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize