Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize