he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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