sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
