Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Actions speak louder than pants.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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