You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
