Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
COCAINE IS GR8
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
