Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
