It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
