so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
