Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
