Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
