why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize