this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
