why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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