Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize