we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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