Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
