I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
