ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
