Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
