you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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