i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize