i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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