in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
God, I missed his penis.
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