I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
