Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
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