JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Randomize
