I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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