just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
