I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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