I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize