i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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