my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
