I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
