Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
When are your genitals available?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
