White coat. Heels.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
