Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize