??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
