Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
