he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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