Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize