She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
