she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize