I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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