Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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