This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
