They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
