for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
