I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Is Oprah even human
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
