At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
