I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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