i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
