i was rollin on her like bob the builder
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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