upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
