Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Randomize