Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
