yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
