My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
