i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
