I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
