that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
