Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
