I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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