In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
