Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
he fucked my hip out of place.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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