I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
