woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Randomize
