Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
