I hate all girls vehemently.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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