I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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