I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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