i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Randomize
