I'm laying in your front yard are you home
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Randomize
