saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I showed him my bush... on skype.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
