I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
