hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
she woke up with a sticky ear
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
