True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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