Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Randomize
