sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
