I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
We talked him into tasing himself.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize
