right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
