I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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