Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize