I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
