I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
