I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize