There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
My bed smells like the plague
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
