friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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