I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
