Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize