her vagina looked like bernie madoff
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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