My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
