Only a mothe r could love this liver
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
