take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
