dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
