First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
