He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
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